


Rollercoaster

by Patatarte



Series: Love around the living room [5]
Category: Cow Chop
Genre: I mean it's cowchop what do you expect, Kiss Only, M/M, a bit of one sided hundarHD in the begining, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 03:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12572868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patatarte/pseuds/Patatarte
Summary: Aleks is in love with someone already taken, James is jealous, they aren't even in a relationship





	Rollercoaster

He's tired and a bit frustrated, his elbow digging hard on the soft texture of the bar's table. He has too many empty glasses in front of him and yet he wants more. The music that he was enjoying earlier starts to sound like garbage, only because his mood is shifting. Oh, for sure he's smiling, he's a smilley drunk kind of guy, but he's still not happy. 

He learned when to sigh and not to, like, he sighs a lot around James because that how their dynamic works. Around some other people, he doesn't, because that's not how he has to appear to them, drunk or not. That's impressive how he controls some part of himself and not others at all. What mostly betray him are his eyes, getting teary at the worst times, that's why he loves sunglasses so much. 

Well, that club isn't the right place for sunglasses, it's dark here already. But even if it's dark, people are having fun, dancing, screaming, drinking...Kissing too. Jesus, Aleks hates display of affection when he isn't the one giving or recieving. His stomach is flipping and he wants it to be from the alcohol but knows it isn't. No, his eyes are right on Brett who's dancing with his girlfriend. 

They are both so cute, they deserve all the happiness in the world, Aleks means it. But he can't help himself from being jealous and feeling betrayed at the same time. Well, he is just as jealous that he is envious. Many times he told himself it was because he liked Brett's girlfriend but knew deep down that he was only looking at him. Every touch from the man is both a blessing and a torture.

He turns his head, wanting to shake it but knowing it'll only give him an headache. If the music doesn't make him dance and if the alcohol doesn't help anymore, it's time to go. He stands, strangely steady and walks towards Brett to tell him he's going home. Of course the man smiles, his hand on Aleks' back and almost kissing his cheek. His girlfriend does the same, they are just nice people and Aleks likes the attention but his smile dies down when he turns around. 

Once outside he sighs audibly, a bit pissed at the fact that it's almost as hot outside than inside. He'd have to take a cold shower to calm down, to face the fact that he's an unlovable fuckboy. Fuck, he hates being alone and without anybody's attention. He's a craving guy, he just hides it well, sometimes. When he checks his dating aps in the Uber taking him home, his mood doesn't improve at all.

-

In the morning, Mishka barks to wake him up, because she needs to go for a walk. Aleks' head hurts a little but that doesn't stop him from going outside, to fight the sun itself. At least he has good sunglasses, but since he kind of knows his neigborhood by now, he has to nod to say hello to some of them. He would love being a simple asshole and ignore them all but doesn't.

The most he can do is check his phone when Mishka decides to make pauses. And so that's what he does, frowning at too many texts and mails. Most aren't urgents, so fuck them. There's two of Brett that he ignores because it still troubles his guts, but there's also some from James and that's surprising ? James doesn't really send texts on weekend, he does his own things in a private bubble.

James - 9:00am - Are yu awake ?  
James - 9:01am - Do you have these props ?  
James - 9:02am - answer when you walk mishka

There's a picture attached, and it's the hand puppets James offered him a while ago it's not props ? Well anyways yes, he took them off the shelf when they decided to change some stuff around. Why on earth does James wants to do with them ? He decides to call just to know that information, it's sunday after all. James picks up, but doesn't talk, there's movements, fabric brushing against the speaker and it's almost too loud for Aleks' taste but then it's silent and there's a soft voice.

"'ello ?" James woke up ? Aleks looks at the time on his watch and it's 10am

"Hey, uh I have the hand puppets at my place." He doesn't want to bother James now, a bit sorry he woke him up.

"Ah, cool. Can I pick them up later today ? Like, 1pm or whatever ?" His voice is muffled, sleepy, that shouldn't be cute to hear.

"Sure, man. What do you need them for ?" Because he can't wait until James shows up, he wants to know now.

"I just...I couldn't find the name and I wanted to offer one to my niece. It's her birthday soon and I just..." He fumbles over words, and Aleks can already call bullshit but doesn't find if annoying.

"James, you are probably still half asleep because the name is on the picture you sent me."

"Really ?" His surprise sounds like embarassement but not about a mistake but about the fact that he's been discovered.

"You can still come if you want to look at them closer I guess. I mean...Or I'll bring them at the warehouse tomorrow if you can, like, wait for a day." That's all Aleks can offer right now, because he's not in the mood for pushing, he gives the escape option even if he's curious.

"Yeah, yeah tomorrow sounds good. I'll look at them...For the child's safety and all." There's a second of silence and then. "Thanks, man, I'm going to walk Ein now."

And so the call ends, and it's not the weirdest conversation they ever had, far from it. It's just weird that it sounds like a weird excuse from James and on a sunday. Well, Aleks will deal with that tomorow when he'll be a bit more fresh. 

-

Monday comes too quickly. Aleks' lazy sunday went by like fire following a trail of fuel. He barely played his new video game and now it's the begining of a new week. Well at least he remembered to bring the hand puppets with him, since James went silent for the end of the day, not reminding him. He usualy goes to Brett's office first, to talk about the weekend, the party or anything really, but today he doesn't feel like it, doesn't feel like seeing the man looking good and being nice knowing he'll never feel the same for him.

So he takes the other door and says a quick hello to Trevor and Jakob, not trying to bother them in their conversation for once. He loves annoying Trevor, and Trevor knows it, but today isn't that kind of day, he walks past the occasion. A quick hello to everyone else already on their computers and then he stops at James' desk. James breaks his gaze with the computer and puts his headphone down, blinking at Aleks, like he wonders what he's doing here. Aleks just puts the hand puppets on his desk, slowly.

"I kind of tested them, seem pretty safe to me, but you can try."

He doesn't say more, leave James to what he's doing and the day starts pretty quickly with a meeting half an hour later. They have big projects and all, pretty much excited about some filming. Like a natural flow, Aleks goes next to Brett and when the meeting is done, they are both in his office. They talk about all and nothing and Aleks loves every second of it, loves impressing him, loves the simple fact that someone as great as Brett just sees him as a good friend. It's better than nothing, really. 

Aleks is a weak and pitiful man.

When it's time to film, he gets out of the office and sees James looking at him for a second before he turns his head away. It's so quick he thinks he imagined the scene but there's a floating doubt that it's not really his imagination. When they are on set, it goes smoothly with the usual jokes and a bit of violence and mockery, when it's done it's almost too quiet.

_

Another day ending, almost following the same path as the one before. James loves when things are planned and going smooth. But he feels a bit anxious at the fact that he's about to change his habits. Well, it started with the text to Aleks, for those stupids hand puppets. He thought Aleks gave them to his dog or worst, but no. Seems like he kept them well, and that's a surprise by itself because it's not the greatest gift he made.

Anyways, he doesn't really know why he asked for these that morning, there was many other gifts that Aleks took home at a point or another. And since they barely go to each others place, he doesn't know if Aleks kept everything or not. But that morning he had a dream, something sweet and when he woke up he felt the need to send a text, anything, to Aleks. And it ended about those hands puppets.

James knows it changed between them, knows that Aleks is just closer to Brett but...Well, he feels a bit jealous. He is jealous because, at one point, Aleks was his closest friend. So close in fact that it became something else, even so slightly. James knew that Aleks felt something for him, tried to impress, tried his best to keep close but never enough.

It was a different Aleks back then, confused and angrier. But that's fine, they kissed once and Aleks pushed him away and then they both found girlfriends, that was all. Their friendship was not any different, even if James was a little bit hurt, he understood and never held it against the other.

But now, when he sees how Aleks is turning around Brett, how his glance lingers on the man and how his eyes are laughing more with the other...It just hurts more and at the same time it feels good because Aleks seems a little more open. James never tried to hide the fact that he loved everyone, but he never said it clearly either, so much easier to hide behind big and soft boobs. On Aleks' part, he was clearly yelling at everyone that he was about girls only, but gave more and more hints towards something more on the later months.

James isn't Brett, in fact they have nothing in common except for the channel they are working for, or the fact that Aleks loved them at a point. Oh James would give a lot to get Aleks back at his sides, to be his slightly abusing friend and admiration. He remembers how Aleks played it cool the first time they met face to face, but James saw blown pupils. He ignored it for a long time, until he realized that he had the same reaction to the other man.

He remembers when they lived in the same place, between awful pranks, the nice movie nights, the gameplays, the small talks in the kitchen...The shy hand on his own when they had to cancel something with the others as the weather seemed to play the apocalypse reharsal, only having the TV to spend the day. Aleks made that move, looking panicked as he waited for James' reaction. James only exhaled shakily, moved on the big couch with his hand firmly grabbing Aleks' one, their face coming closer and closer to each others.

A kiss happened, something light and yet lasting few seconds. James barely felt it but was burning because Aleks exhaled against his lips. The young man was so cute in James' eyes, blushing, exposed like he was naked, eyes fluttering open. James knows that he liked it, felt it, but Aleks still pushed him away. It wasn't violent, no yelling, no punching, no rude words, just a low voice saying "I can't, I'm sorry I can't." and then he went to his room. 

James regrets not going after him but, he was afraid that Aleks would leave, run away for good. The day after, they said nothing about the kiss, but it wasn't awkward, it was just like before. And the next week was like that too, the month, the year, the year after that...Until now. James would love to just look at Aleks one day and say "Hey, you like both, I like both, I like you and I know you did once too. Why not trying, you and I ?" 

Maybe Aleks likes Brett better because the guy has the same interests ? And looks better ? And is somehow nicer than he is ? It hurts, it shouldn't, it's been years and James had girlfriends in the meantimes that he really loved, but...Aleks is still here. Still breathing, still following, still going with his stupid pranks and they have a channel together and...

James stands, his chair rolling backwards violently and making Asher jumps from his desk. He needs air, fresh one would be cool but it's fucking L.A, so he'll get only air. Half is good enough right now. Aleks doesn't even look at him when he walks past him and that's...That's unfair. James turns around and sees eyes on his own, Aleks looked after all but that means nothing, right ? James sighs, he needs to stop and go to something else. 

Is everyone in that place blind ? Is Brett so blind to ignore the admiration and love dripping from Aleks' eyes ? Is Trevor so oblivious or just ignoring the problems when it's obvious that James is looking at Aleks sometimes, getting caught ? Are they all idiots ?

_

On a sunday, weeks after, James woke up because a stupid bird decided to throw itself on his window and Ein barked at it for ten long minutes. The sun isn't fully awake right now. His dream was pretty nice, winning a horse race and spending money for CowChop, making the news because they are awesome and then it went nut because he's sure he remembers going on his knee and offering a cock ring to Aleks while funhaus played trumpets ? What ? That part isn't really something he wants to remember but hey...

He takes his phone and types his dream without really thinking and presses send. It's only when it's done that he regrets doing it, because it was a joke but then, knowing their past ,maybe Aleks will think he hits on him. Not that it's untrue but... His phone vibrates, making it way too real suddenly. Aleks is calling. Fuck, fuck...Too late, he has to answer.

"Yeah, man ?" He says, trying to sound cool and failing.

"Dude, what's with you and sunday's texts ?" Aleks is laughing, clearly tipsy, James can tell when the man as alcohol in his veins.

Maybe it's his chance to say the truth then ? After all, drunk Aleks is supposed to be a more honest person, right ? With the barriers gone and all of that ? Come on, it's sunday morning and he's probably drunk AND tired, so it's...It's not fair but...

"Sorry Aleks, it's just that I think about you on sundays." he hears a faint "what" from Aleks and panics. "We're friends, I can send you texts on sunday, it's not like I'm doing some work harassement or something !" He slaps his own face, calling himself stupid.

"Hey, it's you who wanted to keep work and all separated on the weekends. No friendship, we're a business, right ?" He laughs again. "It means no flirt either, but you aren't guilty of that one I think, or only towards Trevor, I think Brett allows it in that case."

The simple name of Brett makes James a bit uneasy, because he's not him, will never be that good. Aleks keeps talking, babbling, drunk talk that James barely listen to. His heart is beating hard in his chest and he thinks it's now or never, if he's rejected now, then he'll leave him alone and pray that their friendship will stay the same. He closes his eyes and waits for Aleks to stop a sentence.

"I wonder if you can pay Brett to do something, like will he stay silent for some money ?"

"Aleks, I still fucking love you."

That's it, that's done. Raw honesty, emotions and truth. There's silence and it's too much for James to handle, he turns his phone off and runs to his shower to try to wash that shit off of him. Aleks is drunk, it's going to be okay, it's not like they never said that kind of thing, right ? Or maybe it was just in his dreams ? He had so many, from all of Aleks' change, from that sweet emo boy to that blond soft man.

God he loves him so much, it's true, even in a weird way. Aleks went to him and stayed, always here for his pranks, always trying to be close and nice when James just pushed his social media away. But why ? Because he's not validating his friendship ? Or because he can't just accept that he's having a good life on his own ? Maybe regrets from the past because he loved emo Aleks a lot and that one is gone, they changed so much in few years...

The shower doesn't help, his mind is drowning in memories and piece of thinking for the whole day. He even cancel his plans, doesn't even record a video for his youtube, doesn't do shit else than listening to music and thinking. He doesn't even turn his phone on until the next day.

There's no calls but some texts, none from Aleks thanksfully (or not, fuck fuck fuck). He wants to call sick but can't do that to their channel, can't do that knowing that Aleks will know why. Fuck, he fucked up. He almost crashes his car on the way to work, almost slams the door on Joe, almost breaks a cup of coffee. It's going to be a long and stressful day.

Brett is here, looking a bit sleepy but talking with Lindsey about something serious probably. James almost throws himself on his desk's chair, needing to watch anything to keep his mind occupied until Aleks arrives and-

"Hey, guys" Fuck, he's already here ? 

It's too early, he's never that early, he's always just in time and sometimes slightly late. James panics and stands again, trying to look casual, not looking at Aleks.

"James, if you're going to shit, the toilet is clogged." Brett says to him, but James ignores it and walks past the bathroom, almost jogging now. He has to go on the parking lot, he needs to figure things out away from Aleks.

He sees Trevor there, with Joe and Jakob. They do small talk and James knows they saw something wrong on his face, his expressions, and when Aleks appears outside as well, they all go in because they think drama is going to happen but not the good kind. And well, maybe they aren't wrong. Maybe it's going to be the drama that will sign the end of the adventure, maybe not ? Who fucking knows, James hates the possibilities of things going wrong, maybe that's why he never said shit before.

He turns his head and curses when he sees that the gate is closed, and everyone else is here so he's pretty much fucked, he can't just fly away. Aleks doesn't look that confident either, he looks a lot around and doesn't really walk towards him, he remembers everything and understands the implications.

"James...-" He starts and stop there, not really knowing what to say next.

And James isn't stupid, he can see how it can go bad even without it being explosive. Like, he knows Aleks has heart eyes for Brett, and suddenly he's coming for him ? Like a temporary band aid or something ? Fix me and love me until I move on ? James can almost feel that's how it's going to be, and the worst part is that is ready to jump for it.

"Listen, Aleks..." He wants to explain his points, wants to say everything he's worry about, but he can't.

He can't because Aleks made quick steps and kissed him, hungry, furious, far from the first kiss they exchanged years ago. James looses all the words, all the precautions, everything is gone as he just grabs Aleks' arms to keep him in place as he responds to the kiss. It's awful, not at all like he imagined, not the sweetest and stupid romantic kind, not innocent, not lovestruck, just a hungry kiss pushing him against his car. He loves it, he waited for it.

His eyes are closed and doesn't open even when Aleks breaks the kiss. They are close enough to share breath anyways. Fuck, that morning is weird, and it's going to change everything, unless Aleks plays the same card as before. He can try, James keeps him there, hands firm around the Russian's arms.

"James, you..." He pauses to lick his own lips and James is already gone, he can ask him for the moon he'll find it. "I thought you were over me."

"I thought that too." A whisper and then a quick kiss, an angry one. "And I know you only have eyes for Brett now." He pushes him a bit, because he can't do that, not when he's just a stupid second, or even further on the list.

"Give me a chance." A step forwards, intoxicating. James needs to go away, he can't just...

"You know" James' lips are against Aleks, but it's not a kiss, he's talking. "I can't fuck the love into you, and I'm not going to be a friend with benefits." He doesn't even believe his own words, if Aleks asks him to try he'll do it. 

Before Aleks says something, James takes a step back and looks at him, looks at his eyes on the morning sun. It's weird how years before James wanted to keep Aleks in his arms, to prank him and cuddle him too sometimes. Now he wants to prank him until Aleks has enough and pushes him against a wall to make out and more, wants to fight against him. Fuck, he hates that guy.

"You never went that jealous when I had girlfriends." Aleks points out, feeling a little exposed right now.

"Maybe because it wasn't another guy, idiot. I was the first and you pushed me away." James sounds a bit more bitter than he wanted to, but at least he sees that Aleks is reacting in the second.

"I was younger and I- !" He almost yells.

"I know, Aleks ! I know you were confused and all, I get it, I just...Fuck, like put yourself in my shoes, I was all for you and you pushed me, fine, it's okay, we went our way and shit and then I see you turning around Brett and I just...What can I do to win you over ?"

"Dude." Aleks grabs James' arm a bit too harshly but neither say something about it. "Look where we are, look what we are doing today !" Sure, the front doesn't have Covvchop on it anymore but... "You won me fucking long ago, man."

James sees Aleks' eyes, what's in them. Shit, if he has a chance now his heart is going to explode, and his brain, and perhaps his dick too at a point, possibly. Everything is going to change, isn't it ? He stays silent, but that's fine because Aleks isn't done.

"I didn't know you were still interested in me like that. You never seem to like what I do away from the channel and you even deleted my social medias !" He seems to have a long list, and there's a lot of truth too. "You always talk about boobs ! I know I'm starting to have little ones but.. OW ! The fuck ?"

"Just, shut up, okay ?" James smiles finaly, he pinched that soft nipple and is proud of it, only because now Aleks is holding it like a naked lady. What a mess. "We can try. We already kind of tried before and we are still there, right ?" Aleks nods, still protecting his abused skin and hissing. "And stop harassing Brett, that guy is like your older brother."

"You were also like an older brother with me, just a reminder." A weak comeback, really.

"Aleks." He's ready to go back inside, feeling better, lighter, ready for a long and good day. "Remember the first mails you sent to me ? You were thirsty, my dude. And when I met you face to face I thought you were about to faint like a groupie."

"Shut the fuck up !" Aleks is laughing, still embarassed about that time of his life. Well, without it nothing would have happened, right ?

"Lets go inside before they bet on who will be punched between us."

**Author's Note:**

> don't hesitate to comment, it's always nice to see ! Hope you liked it, if you want more tell me !


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